Ways to show I love you...

So, here were some fun ideas too...

1. Leave messages to each other on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers. (I just bought ourselves a new package)

2. Buy glow in the dark chalk to leave a message on your bedroom wall, the bigger and fatter your drawing the better you will be able to see it, only lasts one hr after exposure to light and easy to wash off.

3. A little note box that you add to daily titled, "Today I love you because"….the answers can be funny, serious, or reflect the mood of the day (you could make this a journal too)

4. What's your signature? It could be something like leaving Hershey’s kisses where your spouse can find them, or something else like heart stickers or scripture cards which you leave in special places when you want to say I love you.

5. Blow up a balloon, write a message with permanent marker, let it set a few minutes then deflate it and send it in a card. (you could use this for birthday greetings too)

6. While he's sleeping, put lipstick on and kiss all over his face so when he wakes up he gets a good laugh when he looks in the mirror.

7. Have a new kiss of the week. Each time you kiss you are showing your love and appreciation. It can be on the neck, hand, arm, forehead. Just do it for a week, then change up to a new place each week.

8. Queen for a day-there used to be a tv show where they took a woman out and treated her like a Queen for the day, do that for your spouse. Arrange a clear schedule ahead of time and surprise them. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just make them feel loved and not have to do all their regular chores since the family is taking care of that, that’s the key…have everything taken care of so she doesn’t have to do it. (This one's my FAVORITE, lol)

9. Purchase the 365 day calendars when they go on sale and personalize it by adding in little events like the first time you kissed, etc. Or you could each day write a message such as 365 reasons you love them, 365 memorable things you’ve done in the past, or 365 things you want to do your remaining days on Earth together.

Date ideas:

1. Instead of Valentines day, celebrate other unknown holidays. For example on National Lumberjack day you can go to IHOP and eat pancakes….the ideas for this are endless. I actually just found these cool websites: http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php or http://www.holidaysforeveryday.com/

2. Create a cultural calendar, there are many free events and there’s always something going on somewhere. Get on museums and concert promoters mailing lists, look at the weekly entertainment pages and upcoming events in the local section of the newspaper. You’ll always have your choice of a wide variety of things to do. Maybe your community already has an online website where someone has already done all the work for you, check it out and see.

There you go....how about you? any ideas to share?

Ways to give gifts

Okay, so a continuation on the book I just read, here are some fun ideas for giving gifts which you can use on anyone really.

1. Wind a strand of string all around the house until you get to the location of the gift. Start at the door (if doing it when they get home) or their side of the bed (if doing it when you wake up)

2. To hide a ring in cake, bake it, then stick it inside with a ribbon sticking out (can make as part of bow on top), frost cake and have her “pull” the ring out.

3. The Gift Tree-multiple boxes with small presents in each one, who doesn’t like MORE gifts.

4. Why reserve piñatas only for kids? Put gifts in a piñata and let your spouse hit the thing to pieces, can use for birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, theme gifts, anything.

5. Friendship box: a little box that you each keep exchanging little tokens of love, chocolate, flowers, tickets to the movies or a concert, a poem, etc...

6. Anticipation-Before an event like an anniversary, trip, bday, or whatever send little gifts (or poetry) daily that have to do with the theme. This would work also for birthdays. Send little things like balloons one day, party hats another day…or for a mystery date, send clues each day to what you might be doing on your date.

7. Camcorder wishes-great for a grandparent, record the kids on video and send that for a birthday gift. Interview them, have them tell stories, put on a play.

8. Bake their favorite cookies, one batch for now, and another frozen for later. You could do this with favorite meals, or other things they like too.

What about you, any great ideas to share that you've done or heard about?

On Romance...

So, I just purchased this book FOR MY husband...When you've been married 15 years, you tend to lose that spark you had when you were first dating and I'm trying to remind him of all the little things he used to do. Yes, having 5 kids makes it much harder to do, but we all have busy lives. So, my next 3 blog posts are going to be what I learned and liked from reading this book and hopefully you will find fun ways to express love to YOUR spouse as well.

First off, maybe the boring part, but these quotes stood out to me. Share them with your spouse, and apply them to yourself as well of course.

1. Love is like an immunization process. You have to provide booster shots in order to receive the maximum long-term protection against the "enemy". The enemy can be many things, like germs and bacteria that might cause our children to get ill, and in the case of love, if we don’t get immunized and give each other booster shots the enemy can be, for instance, work, tired, hurtful words, taking advantage of each other, and forgetting to touch and say kind, loving things to each other.

2. Never settle for being average. "Many men have the impression that as long as they are not yelling at their wives, beating them, cheating on them, or leaving huge messes around the house, they must be good husbands. All that means is that they aren’t bad husbands. They are probably just average husbands. A man shouldn’t only not cheat on his wife, he should passionately seduce her. Not being a total slob isn’t bad but helping your wife with the chores is even better. Giving her a whole day or week off from her usual chores and you doing them for her is best. Men should never settle for being average. If your relationship has been in neutral, it’s time for you to move into first gear."

3. We need more public examples of romance, not less. I’m not talking about make-out sessions, but the gentle things you do to express your affection. Children, friends, and neighbors need to see more couples holding hands, exchanging butterfly kisses, and gazing into each other’s eyes. It’s how they are going to learn to be romantic themselves.

4. In Australia they have what we call the tall poppy syndrome. In order not to let one get higher than the others, they will cut them down. We have this nasty habit of cutting down all the poppies around us if we are feeling particularly low ourselves. We are tearing up our flower garden. Your mate’s flower is wrapped around yours, if you cut theirs down, yours will be butchered too.

5. Fathers, do you love your children? Do you REALLY love your children? Would you like to know what is the single most important thing you can do for them that will increase their comfort, security and happiness? Time? Unconditional love? A good education? Sage advice? All of these are important, but I consider one thing even more so. Love their mother! Really love their mother.
Nothing contributes more to a child’s sense of worth, comfort and security than seeing their mother well loved. Nothing helps children to have loving, stable, happy relationships than witnessing the same with their parents.
"His father" was much more concerned about his own desires and expectations than the needs of my mother. He didn’t realize that a woman needs to be frequently told and shown that she is special and loved. A woman needs to spend quality time alone with her husband, not just with "the girls". She needs a man who appreciates her special qualities and considers her brain more important than her body.

6. Love is like customer service: Those who work in customer service are taught that when a customer has a complaint, we should first listen to them. We are often tempted to try to solve their "problem" before we even hear them finish telling us why they are upset. If we listen to their whole story, sometimes that in itself satisfies them. They just needed to let off a little steam.
The second step in good customer service is to acknowledge the problem and to be genuinely sorry that everything did not go as expected. A simple yet sincere apology satisfies many situations.
Only after we have fully heard the complaint and have acknowledged their suffering can we truly offer some sort of compensation. In many cases if you ask a customer how they would like the situation remedied, they will offer a solution that is both very fair and will have them very satisfied.
The next time your mate comes to you with a complaint, don’t butt in, but fully listen to them. Be understanding and express sympathy for their hurt feelings. Ask them how they would like to be compensated for their troubles. If you treat them like they are your number one customer they will remain loyal to you.

Happiness is....

Finding this little sign at Ross for $3.99...

The color red...

Feeling peaceful moments throughout your day...

Sleeping in Sunday mornings with your husband...or Sunday afternoon naps if you don't get to sleep in...

Having your husband cook a delicious dinner for you and the kids...

Finding a new idea to improve your life...

Your kids all getting up on time and going to school without complaining...

Your kids cleaning the whole house for you...(hey, we can dream, right)

Getting a book in the mail that you ordered online...

Having money in the bank account and not worrying it's going to bounce if you put gas in the car....

Realizing your life has not been struck by personal tragedy and being grateful for being spared that yet...

Building your mind, learning new things, learning about the world and it's people, the good and the bad...

Warmth and the sun when it brings it to your life...

Reading your kids their bedtime stories...

Having your girls actually get along and listen...

Having a peaceful quiet moment to oneself...

Going out with friends...

Going out with the husband...

Having someone stop by just to chat...

A nice comment from someone online...

A funny movie or video shared online...

Shopping and finding good deals (related to #1)...

How about you, what's going on in your life that makes you happy right now?

France

Sometimes what's best for yourself:

A Trip to France to study the language and get college credit at the same time:

Isn't what's best for your family....

I could really use a break from life, 5 weeks of learning the language and enjoying France doesn't sound like a bad idea...some day...

I was in a study group from one of my classes and we were discussing freedom. One of the guys asked us mothers how we defined freedom in our own lives. We both agreed that there was NO such thing as freedom once you have a child. You are completely and utterly responsible for that child for 18 years straight. Freedom... possibly the moments you get away from them, but even then, it's fleeting, because there's no forgetting about them wherever we are. That's a good thing I guess. Our species wouldn't have survived if all the parents decided to abandon their young :)

On Marriage..

While we're on the topic of marriage,

I just finished this book, For Women Only:

I was split on some of the things I read. She surveyed thousands of husbands and the book is her findings and advice. There were good stuff:

7 Revelations:

Our surface understanding: "Men need Respect"

What that means in practice: "Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.

Our surface understanding: "Men are insecure"

What that means in practice: "Despite their in control exterior, men often feel like imposters and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered"

Our surface understanding: "Men are providers"

What that means in practice: "Even if you personally made enough money to support the family's lifestyle, it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide.

Our surface understanding: "Men want more sex"

What that means in practice: "Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life."

Our surface understanding: "Men are visual"

What that means in practice: "Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women"

Our surface understanding: "Men are unromantic clods"

What that means in practice: "Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic-but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.

Our surface understanding: "Men care about appearance"

What that means in practice: "You don't need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take care of yourself-and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you"

I was feeling fine until I got to the end. That's when I realized the book was ALL about the man, the man, the man. I remember clearly the days when I had little infants and toddlers to take care of and how HARD it was to give attention to my husband and take care of his needs to. My own needs weren't being met. I never did figure out how to get over that when my kids were little, but thankfully now that I'm out of that stage in my life, I have been able to focus on strenthening our relationship. I'm not physically burned out by the attention that little children that rely solely on you for their survival need.

So, even though I KNEW all this stuff even back then, I didn't know how and where to come up with the ENERGY to do it all.

So, what do you think, any suggestions to those Mom's still out there dealing with trying to focus on their relationship while at the same time as raising her little ones?

I think the author has a book called "For Men Only" about us women...I might go read it to get a well rounded look at things...

Opposites Attract

So, recently I wrote a college paper about transcendence in my life. If you don't know what that word means, here's the wikipedia explanation:

In everyday language, "transcendence" means "going beyond", and "self-transcendence" means going beyond a prior form or state of oneself

What that means is understand another's point of view, transcending our own world into theirs. We watched this movie as part of understanding the differences among people and how we choose to live with those and act upon those.

Snow Falling on Cedars:

But what my paper was really about was my relationship with Ken. See, we are complete and utter opposites...this is part of what I wrote:

First of all, when you see us, you will immediately notice that my
husband is tall, and I am short. He grew up in a Catholic family, I grew up in an LDS family. He grew up in an international culture, going to private schools with maids, drivers, gardeners, and ya-ya’s (the Filipino equivalent of nannies). I grew up in Provo, Utah, where 80% of the population were the same LDS religion. Ironically, he loves the snow, and his dream vacation would be to go to Alaska. I can’t stand the snow, and my dream vacation would be to go to Hawaii. He would love to live in the country. I have to be within driving distance of a Costco. I love to buy things, he won’t even buy himself a new pair of sweats. He comes from a very affective family where hugs were commonly shared, my family from a neutral culture.

His idea of a good night out would be going to a nightclub or playing volleyball all night. Mine would be to sit at home in front of a nice, warm fireplace reading a good book. He’s a very faith driven person, I’m a show me the facts type of person. He’s conservative, I’m liberal. His dream in life would be to have 12 children and I can barely handle the 5 we have. He loves work with a flexible schedule, I still believe in the 9-5 myth. He loves to drive fast, and I’m deathly afraid of speed. He could run up to the top of Timpanogos Cave, I barely can make it up. He makes jokes all day, I have no sense of humor. He’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert. Finally he sees the cup as half full, I tend to see it as half empty.

So, how do we make it work out? We find what we do have in common, we respect each other's interests, and we go out of our comfort zone to do some of the things the other one loves. I finally decided to go to a club with Ken, and it wasn't that bad if you go with a group of friends. He'll stay in and watch a movie with me. I'll let him go play volleyball as much as he wants, he'll let me read as much as I want. Don't ask me how and why it happens, but it works. We complement each other.

So how ABOUT you? Did you marry your opposite and what tips of advice do you have that have worked for you?