The "New" Deal

On other news, get ready for this!

About a month ago, I sort of had an epiphany. Anyone that knows the Applegates, knows that they LOVE children. And anyone that's heard Ken and I talk, have heard how he wants a dozen kids, yes, the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen".... he thinks... was hilarious. I thought it was quite the nightmare. After that breakfast scene, ugh, if I were the mother, I'd want to crawl back in bed for the rest of the day after that.

Well, I've always said, this 5th child was my LAST child. That's it, done, finished. I remember sitting inside Fazoli's (remember that "instant" fast food Italian place, I sort of miss it now) and there was this family. They must have been of Middle Eastern descent, because I remember looking at them and thinking "What a beautiful family." The kids were all teenage and above, and guess what, they had 3 beautiful girls and 2 handsome boys. And I just thought...that's US....10...15 years from now. Yes, that's us. (Did I mention the mother looked beautiful in that I take care of myself kind of way some women just have...)

Well, the other day it just sort of popped into my head, this "NEW Deal". I take care of my body and LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT I have gained from being a mother...yes, back to my wedding dress size. AND.........then......... I'll have another CHILD. Specifically one of these....



Yes, that's a little Tahitian girl!

which I have had a strong feeling is lacking ever since they announced that Zane was a boy. I thought I'd only have one boy and the rest girls for some reason. I do realize even if I DO accomplish this monumental task, and it WILL take a couple of years, LOTS of weight to lose, we could end up with something more like this....



and that's o.k. Because for me the end goal is not the child, but the NEW me. It'd take a complete lifestyle change and turn around to accomplish this. And I would then be having a baby when my girls are all teenagers (another thing I said I would NEVER do), but they are WAY too excited about this. We started off really well the first two weeks, the children being my "GO EXERCISE AND DONATE YOUR WEIGHT TO THE BABY" Nazi's. Then, I decided what I really want is a treadmill, and I've slacked BIG time in going out and walking. We watched a movie last night and I told the family, "HEY, if we had a treadmill I could've just walked through this whole movie" Yeah, if I had a treadmill...lol...Anyone want to donate their unused treadmill to the Applegates having another baby cause...or let's call it, Clarice getting in control of her life cause...that sounds better to me!

I know, I know, I'm crazy! But this just feels right to me...It gives me a goal to change the path I am on right now, and a reward for my family and myself at the end. The kids keep saying why not just go straight to the reward. They don't realize, it's the journey of change I am after....a new child is just the added benefit once I get control of my life.

(PS. The old deal was Ken becomes a millionaire and I have 3 more children, so this one's better, right? LOL! BUT I'll still take the millionaire one...God, are you listening? I'll do it! I'll do it! Bring it on!)

Secrets

So, last Saturday I had the chance to go to a Studio night workshop with this artist:

Leslie Graff (click on her name to go to her website)

She does some of my favorite artwork, like this one titled, "Compassion"



It's saved as my computer background right now, I love it THAT much. What I really wanted to do that night was a painting similar to hers. But when I got there, she had all these magazines out and ready for us to do a collage art piece if we wanted to.

I picked up a magazine and immediately turned to these 2 pages of bright, gorgeous flowers. I hated to rip them out, but ripping I did. I had never added tissue paper to an art piece, and I love how it blends right in with the paint. This is what I came home with that night.



If I could really paint, what I would've painted that night to express my mood, would have been a picture of me, crouched in the corner, and the world falling down on me. That's how I've felt lately. But instead, I have this representational collage. That shell chandelier on the bottom right....that's me. Then all these different compartments of my life, are crowding me in. Even if they are beautiful or not, they all represent a part of my life, a door that I don't open to others and let them in to see how I feel.

In another sense, each of those doors and windows can be secrets that all of YOU keep within as well. We ALL keep secrets from each other, to keep from getting hurt, to keep from facing the truth, for whatever reason. Well, my last blog post was about letting it all out. I don't feel like there's much more for me to say. I am grateful to those of you that have read it and understand me, and wish I could easily wear that blog post on my sleeve, so when others ask how I am that DON'T read my blog, I could easily show them. If they only knew. Oh well.